I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
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