possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
