Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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