I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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