So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
A bitchslap is in order.
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