If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
