apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
