There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
