I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Randomize
