On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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