And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
