I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize