weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
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It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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