Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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