I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
