Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize