With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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