Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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