Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Randomize