So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
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I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
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By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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