Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
