she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
