u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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