pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
