Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
two words...techno handjob
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!