So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Apple has a Lot to Explain to iPhone X Customers
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
People Asked The Internet Questions About their Private Parts And The Results Are Hilarious
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.