if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
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They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
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I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.