Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
whose ass print is on the piano?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.