I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.