and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
