So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
