Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
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Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
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I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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