I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
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all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
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I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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