I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
