Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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