someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
