we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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