Don't make out with my wife yet
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
