No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
