Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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