Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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