at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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