We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Rumble strips road head = magical
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
