So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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