Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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