a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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