last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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