the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
