remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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