I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have so much sex to catch up on
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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