i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
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I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
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you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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