Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
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I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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