Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.