i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?