genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are