Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
