Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
